Why you should be ashamed of yourself for feeding your baby!

I feel like I see/hear stories of women being shamed for feeding their babies, on a daily basis now.

Women are being shamed for breastfeeding their babies.

Women are being shamed for bottle feeding their babies.

Our Heavenly Father has entrusted you with this precious, fragile life, how DARE you have the audacity to NOURISH it!

But seriously, why should women feel ashamed for the way they choose (or don't choose, its not always a choice) to feed their baby?

In short: THEY SHOULDN'T!

Let's start with bottle feeding.

I feel like, in this word of social media, where the movement to support/normalize breastfeeding is becoming more prevalent, so too is the rate of shaming women who do not exclusively breastfeed.

Yes, some women choose not to breastfeed, some women don't have a choice.
Some mothers want to breastfeed, but have no support and give up.
Some mothers try breastfeeding and don't like it.
Some mothers try breastfeeding, but no matter how hard they try, or how much help/support they have, their baby won't latch.
Some mothers try, but no matter what they do, no matter what they eat or drink, or how many medications or supplements they take, or how badly they end up smelling like maple syrup from the supplements, they just don't produce enough milk, some don't produce any at all.
Some mothers have demanding jobs, where they are unable to pump, so their milk dries up.
Some mothers feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding.
Some babies can't tolerate breast milk.
Some mothers simply have no interest in breastfeeding and choose not to.
For these mothers, bottle feeding is generally the answer and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that! There is nothing wrong with their decision to feed their baby and they shouldn't feel the need to explain themself. They are feeding their baby and doing the best they can to make sure their baby is nourished and healthy, what more can you expect of a loving mother?

I have a dear, sweet friend, who was pregnant at the same time as me and wasn't able to breastfeed her son. I still remember the anger and hurt I felt for her the day she messaged me about their trip to the zoo. She was mixing a bottle for her son and noticed a woman looking rudely at her and shaking her head. The woman then said to her "you are feeding your child that... ridiculous" then walked away, shaking her head and murmuring about what a terrible mom she was for putting "that" into her child!

I still can't comprehend what was going through this crazy lady's head! I mean, my friend was FEEDING her baby! How does feeding her baby something that is incredibly healthy for him possibly make her a bad mother? (And just for the record: she is a wonderful mother!)

There are so many different ways that women shame mothers who bottle feed.
One example is obviously the story above.
Another way is asking WHY they didn't breastfeed. That is none of your business, and by asking that, you are insinuating that there is something wrong with bottle feeding, which there isn't.
Or people say things like:

"You could have tried harder/could have at least given it a go"
Um, no. Who the heck are you to judge? Nobody but the mother herself knows what she went through. You don't hear her thoughts or feel her feelings. You didn't struggle with her if/when she struggled. Whether she could or couldn't breastfeed, or whether she did or didn't want to, she made the best decision for her and her baby/babies and has and still is trying her hardest to be the best Mom she can be.

"Someone I know couldn't breastfeed, so they pumped and still gave their baby breast milk"
Being able to exclusively pump and still give your baby breast milk is great if you can do it, but sometimes that isn't an option. Not everybody makes enough milk to do that. Some people don't make any milk at all. Even some women who have an abundance of milk can't pump, it doesn't work for everyone. Some people feel weird being hooked up to a breast pump.

"Have you thought about using donated milk?"
Some people don't have access to donor milk, some people don't feel comfortable feeding their baby someone else's breast milk.

"Breast milk is better/breast is best"
Well, yes it is, but that doesn't make bottle feeding bad. Bottle feeding is perfectly healthy, whether it be expressed milk or formula (yes, formula is HEALTHY!). Why would you even think to say this to a bottle feeding mother? Like you think they are inferior, or you are a better mum because you breastfeed? Just, No. Go away.

I'm sure there are many more ways in which bottle feeding mums have been made to feel shamed or guilty and it has to stop. Mamas, please don't feel that way, you have not failed, you are amazing and you work so hard to make sure your children are healthy and happy. There should be no shame or guilt in that.


Now onto breastfeeding.
This topic tends to bring a lot of unnecessary conflict from all angles.
I kid you not, I have seen breastfeeding mums shame other breastfeeding mums.
There are some people who think breastfeeding is gross. Its not. Grow a brain.
The majority of breastfeeding shaming is based around public breastfeeding, or more specifically, whether or not you should cover when feeding in public.
When Lachlan was a baby, the only time I nursed without a cover was when I was in the privacy of my own bedroom (we lived with Anthony's parents at the time). Not because I felt that breastfeeding was wrong, or because I felt that Breastfeeding uncovered was wrong, but because I was extremely self conscious and also partly because I felt shamed into doing so.
Most of the time, he was okay eating under the nursing cover, but there were times that he would fight it and uncover me/himself.
Kennen, on the other hand, was only exposed to eating with a cover a few times before he was 3 months old. He was sort of okay with it, I say sort of because he didn't seem to like it, but he would still eat.
Well, at about 3 months old, he decided that there was no way known that he was going to let me cover him up to feed him! Of course, he decided this in the middle of Epcot, when I was wearing a maxi dress and had no other option, but to let my whole breast hang out above the neckline of my dress! Of course, now that I know that he absolutely wont eat with a cover, I dress in such a way that the layers of my clothes cover as much of my breast as possible, but that is for my own comfort, not anybody else's.

Now, I have heard countless arguments against breastfeeding uncovered in public and not one of them was valid. It would take a lifetime to list them all, so I am just going to address a handful.

"It is indecent exposure"
Actually, Its not. Indecent exposure is the exposure of sexual organs in public. Breasts are not technically sex organs and breastfeeding is specifically exempt from indecent exposure laws. In fact, there are specific laws in place PROTECTING a woman's right to breastfeed in any place that the woman is permitted to be, with or without a cover. (This fact SHOULD end the argument, but some people are so ignorant, hence the rest of this post)

"Its disrespectful"
I'm sorry, who is it disrespectful to? If you don't want to see me feeding my baby, it's as easy as directing your gaze elsewhere, certainly much easier than struggling to feed a baby who is fighting with whatever is covering his/her head and much easier than leaving the room with a crying, hungry baby and looking for a clean, comfortable place to feed. By asking a woman to cover up or leave the room when she is feeding her baby, YOU are the one who is being disrespectful.

"I don't want my husband to see it"
Really? I mean, REALLY?!!
Is there something wrong with your husband, that he sees breastfeeding as something other than a baby, eating? Are you worried that he will be attracted to the woman that breastfeeds in front of him? Grow up, breastfeeding isn't attractive. It doesn't bother me one bit if my husband sees another woman feeding her baby, we both know she isn't out to seduce him and even if she was, breastfeeding in front of him sure won't do it! I know for starters, that my husband is polite enough not to stare, and even so, he is a mature, grown man and sees breastfeeding for what it is: FEEDING A BABY. There must be some other underlying issue if you are that worried about your husband seeing another woman feed her baby.

"You shouldn't do that in front of  *gasp* the CHILDREN!"
Oh? and why not?
We already covered the fact that it is NOT indecent. Should children not know that the primary purpose of breasts are for feeding babies? Should we teach our children to sexualize breasts? That breastfeeding is bad?
I don't think so Tim.
I personally want my children to be exposed to breastfeeding. I want them to see it as the norm, to not feel awkward when a woman breastfeeds around them. I want them to know that there is no shame in feeding a baby. I want them to support their wives in whatever decisions they make. I want them to know that breasts are made for nourishing life, not just to be sexy play things.
Hiding breastfeeding from our children accomplishes nothing, except to teach them that it is a shameful act and that it is not what breasts are meant for.

"I don't want to see your boobs"
Okay...?? So don't look. Duh.
But seriously, If a woman is with a baby and starts adjusting her shirt, look away because that's a surefire sign that she is about to start breastfeeding. And if the baby is already eating, his/her head is already covering more than what a bathing suit covers, so If you manage to see anything you don't want to, then that's on you because you were obviously looking too closely.

"I don't pee or poop in public, so you shouldn't be able to breastfeed in public"
That is not even a slightly valid comparison. Urine and feces are bodily wastes, breast milk is not. You can't nourish a baby with pee and poop, yet breast milk is recommended by the World Health Organisation as the primary source of nutrition for the first two years of life.

"If you can whip your boobs out, then I should be able to whip my penis out"
No. Not at all the same. As we already covered, breasts are not sex organs, but penises are. You can't nourish a baby with your penis. If you had said "If you can whip your boobs out then I should be able to whip my man boobs out..." oh wait, it's perfectly acceptable for a man to show the male equivalent of breasts. My friend's sister made a good point about that idiotic comparison. She pointed out that if you believe that breasts and penises should be treated alike, therefore, artificial breasts (aka baby bottles and pacifiers) should be treated like artificial penises (dildos, vibrators, etc). Therefore, if you don't consider baby bottles and pacifiers to be sex toys, then how could you possibly consider breasts obscene?

"Its immodest"
Actually, its not. Modesty is somewhat situational. Most swimsuits show much more than what you see when a woman is breastfeeding, yet when you are at the beach, do you feel immodest in a one piece or tankini? of course not! Feeding a baby in the way God intended it not immodest in any manner.

"Breastfeeding without a cover is the younger generation's way of rebelling"
I actually laughed out loud when I read this one!
Breastfeeding without a cover is by no means a new idea. Covering whilst breastfeeding is actually a more modern idea that feeding uncovered. Through history, even in times where it was considered "rude" to show so much as an ankle, women could breastfeed publicly without a cover and it wasn't given a second thought.

"Women who breastfeed uncovered are exhibitionists"
I'm pretty sure I already covered the fact that I am self conscious and I'm pretty sure that no mother feeding her child is doing it to show off, she just wants to feed her baby! Its not like she is waving her bare breasts around, screaming "Look at me, I have my boobs out!". Nope, she is JUST feeding her baby.

"I don't have sex in public, so you shouldn't breastfeed in public"
This goes hand in hand with the whipping a penis out in public and urinating/defecating in public. Its not a valid point in the slightest. None of these acts can nourish and sustain life, so stop bringing them up!

"You could always cover with a blanket or scarf, or better yet, they make super cute nursing covers these days!"
I have three super cute nursing covers! But that doesn't change the fact that my son absolutely wont eat under any sort of cover. If I am lucky enough to get him to latch on when he is covered up, he will only stay latched long enough to trigger a letdown, and then he pulls away and ends up getting milk sprayed all over his little face and in his eyes, all the while, fighting whatever it is that I'm using to cover him.
And, having experience with both covering and not covering, I can honestly say that covering up draws more attention to what you are doing, so if the baby happens to unlatch and pull the cover away (trust me, it happens a lot!) then you are more likely to be exposed.

"What if a woman who couldn't breastfeed sees you? You will make her feel bad"
I'm sorry if someone feels guilty or bad for not being able to breastfeed. I personally never want to make anyone feel bad, and as I said before, I do not think I am better than any other mother just because I was able to breastfeed. I will not refuse to feed my son just because there could possibly be someone who I don't even know, watching me and feeling bad. She shouldn't feel bad anyway if she is doing the best she can for her child.

"That's what breast pumps/bottles are for"
AGAIN not all women can pump. Pumps are nowhere near as effective as babies at removing the milk from the breast, it takes longer, then you have to think about the storage and transportation of the milk, the fact that if you are out for more than a few hours, you can become engorged, which causes a lot of pain and discomfort and going longer than normal between feedings can reduce your milk supply. And that is assuming that the baby will take a bottle, not all breastfed babies will take a bottle.

There are so so many more and so far, the only valid reason I have ever heard for covering up in public is that the breastfeeding mother herself is self conscious/uncomfortable with being uncovered. Literally every other argument for it is either uneducated, uninformed or just plain moronic. If you truly look at it for what it is, all you will see is a mother feeding her baby, all that awkwardness, discomfort, prudishness, embarrassment, etc. fades away.


So PLEASE open your minds, consider the facts and be compassionate towards mothers who are feeding their babies. Don't say stupid things, don't act like your parenting choices are better and please please stop the shaming.
By shaming a woman for feeding her baby, whether you mean to shame her, or are just being negative about her choices, you are sending the message that what she is doing is wrong. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding or bottle feeding and they should not be hidden.

The sooner we see breastfeeding and bottle feeding for what they are: FEEDING AND NOURISHING BABIES (regardless of whether she is breastfeeding or bottle feeding, using expressed milk or formula) the sooner ALL women will be able to feed their children without shame, embarrassment or "mommy guilt".




What other baby-feeding shaming comments have you heard? post in the comments below!

Stop giving bad advice!

Dear parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings and friends of new parents,
Stop giving them bad advice!

Let me just preface this with: THIS IS NOT MEANT IN ANY WAY TO OFFEND OR ATTACK ANYONE'S PARENTING CHOICES!

But seriously, stop it. I can honestly say that the majority of advice I have been given since the very first time I got pregnant was bad advice.

Stop telling new mums to give their baby rice cereal in a bottle because they wont sleep through the night. Stop telling them to start solids earlier than the age recommended by their doctor.
Stop saying that they will sleep through the night if they have a full belly.
Stop telling them to lay their babies on their belly or sides to sleep (I understand that in some cases, like with a gassy/colicky baby, this can help them, but I'm talking about in general).
Stop telling them to put whiskey on their teething baby's gums.
Stop telling them that it is okay to balance their infant car seat on top of a shopping cart/trolley (it's really not).
Stop telling them to loosen the car seat straps, or that they should be able to fit 2/3/4/5 fingers or a whole elephant between the straps and baby.


This is all outdated advice and I could seriously add so much more to that list.
But it gets worse. The well meaning people who are giving this bad advice, back it up by saying things like "Well I did this with my kids and they turned out fine" or "They are always changing what you should and shouldn't do, they will probably change it again in a year or two anyway"
To the people who say these things: do you freaking hear yourselves?! You are telling new parents, who are probably feeling a little unsure and maybe even a little vulnerable, to go against what medical professionals say is best/safest.
Yes, you did this with your kids and they probably turned out okay, but that doesn't mean it's the safest option.
Now before you get insulted, defensive or just plain jump down my throat, I want to reiterate that I am not attacking your parenting choices. I do not doubt that you did what you knew at the time was best for your children and that's fantastic. I have no doubt that the majority of people who are giving this advice are/were great parents, but the fact is, knowledge has grown.
Research and technology have shown us that there are increased risks of diseases and other health problems when you feed your baby anything other than breast milk or formula before 6 months.
It has shown that putting your baby to sleep on their back significantly decreases the chance of SIDS. And no, a baby is not going to choke on their own spit up and die if they are sleeping on their back, so stop telling new moms that.
And don't get me started on putting whiskey on a baby's gums, seriously?
The one that really gets to me, though, is the car seat issue. the straps should NOT be loose enough to fit two fingers between the straps and baby, they should be snug. No, a child is not going to choke or suffocate from having the straps on their car seat done up correctly. So what if your kid survived having loose straps on their car seat, or if they survived not being in a car seat at all? The fact is, if a child or infant is not in the correct car seat for their age and size, with the harness done up correctly, their risk of being seriously injured or even killed in the event of a car accident significantly increases, same with putting your kids in expired car seats (yes, car seats expire and it's not just a gimmick). Why would I ever risk that?!

Oh and FYI: Doctors/the AAP don't change recommendations just for fun, they change it because knowledge grows and they have a responsibility to recommend what they know at the time to be best/healthiest/safest for your children. Stop telling people that it is okay to risk their child's health or safety by not doing what we now know to be best.

The same goes for pregnancy, I don't care if you chose to eat or do the things that we are warned by our doctors not to do during pregnancy and your kid turned out just fine, that doesn't mean I should do those things, so stop telling pregnant women that "just a little bit is okay" because sometimes just that little bit of whatever it is can make the world of difference in the health of the baby. I WILL NOT RISK MY BABY'S HEALTH FOR A PIECE OF HAM OR DELICIOUS RAW SUSHI.

The whole point of doctors making recommendations about what to feed your baby and when, about what to avoid eating or doing during pregnancy, about what position to put your baby in to sleep, or any other important recommendations, is NOT because they think that everybody that goes against these recommendations will experience the adverse effects. No not at all, the point is that doing these things that are not recommended significantly INCREASES the risk of the adverse effects. I am not going to knowingly put my children at risk just because your children turned out fine.

SO please, I don't care who you are, or how many kids you have, if you find yourself in conversation with a parent of a young child and you find yourself thinking  that you did things differently with your kids, remember this post.

Stop saying that you did [insert no longer recommended thing here] with your children and they turned out fine.
Stop saying that doctors are always changing what you should and shouldn't do, or that they will just change it again anyway.
Stop telling parents to go against what research has shown is best for their kids.
and most importantly:
Stop getting defensive or taking it as people are saying you are/were a bad parent for doing those things, because that is just plain not true.


Oh and before I step off my soapbox, I want to add:
Stop telling new parents that their choices are wrong. As long as they are not putting their child in danger, who cares if they breastfeed or bottle feed? Who cares if they use cloth or disposable diapers? Who cares if they put their kid in a stroller or baby carrier? Who cares if they pick up their baby when they cry or do controlled crying? Who cares if they choose to have an epidural, elective c-section or unmedicated natural birth? Who cares if they give their baby store bought baby food or make their own? Who cares if they choose to let the baby sleep in their room or if they put them in their own room from the day they come home? You may not agree with some of these decisions for whatever reason, but as long as their kids are safe, let them parent the way they feel is best, don't tell them that they are "wrong" and if you really cant help but judge them, keep it to yourself. We parents need to love and support each other to keep these precious babes safe!

***Please remember that there are some doctors who chose not to keep up to date with the AAP recommendations and still recommend things like feeding baby at 4-6 months, rather than 6 months. Parents, remember to do your own research as well***

Kennen's Story

Since I last posted, our family has grown by another perfect baby boy!

 

We found out in July last year that we were expecting our rainbow baby, after miscarrying not even 6 weeks earlier. Obviously it was a little bit of a scary pregnancy, being so soon after a loss, but thankfully I had a lot of emotional support throughout from my wonderful family and friends, you know who you are.

Thankfully, apart from the morning sickness, a few small incidences of spotting and slightly high blood pressure, baby boy and I were both healthy and feeling good by the end of my pregnancy!

We decided to try for a different type of birth with this baby and chose a wonderful midwife and a birth centre, rather than a regular hospital birth.

To deliver at the birth centre, you have to be between 37 and 41 weeks pregnant so I was nervous by around 36 weeks, when the baby was sitting super low, putting a lot of pressure on my cervix and one of the midwives said that she estimated it would be "about a week, maybe two" before I delivered. Of course, this freaked me out a little, especially because I So desperately wanted Mum to be there for the birth and she wasn't due to arrive until March 5th, 12 days before my due date.

37 weeks came and went and I was thankfully still pregnant and praying that baby would hold on until after his Nanna got here from Australia.

I had been having a lot of braxton hicks contractions with this pregnancy from about 35 weeks, which was something I didn't really experience with Lachlan, but by about March 1st, they had stopped.

Then on March 3rd, I was chatting on the phone to my friend, Amber, when Lachlan climbed up on me and fell asleep. It was only about 7pm which was super early for him, his bedtime isn't until 9:30, so I let him Lay on me for a little while, then put him in bed and kept chatting to Amber. at about 8pm I realised that I was still having "cramps", which had started right when Lachie fell asleep on me. I casually said to Amber "um so I've been having contractions for the past hour..." 

She told me I was crazy and to call my midwife etc. so we got off the phone, and I called the labour line. The contractions were super mild, and inconsistent, so much so that I couldn't tell when they started and ended, but the midwives had been telling me at my appointments to call and give a heads up if I noticed anything. My midwife, Jennie ended up texting me and saying to drink some chamomile tea and take a warm bath then try to get some sleep in case this was it.

Ant was at school, so I called him and got him to pick up some chamomile tea on the way home and just relaxed in the bath until he got here. By this time the contractions/cramps had stopped and had been gone for a while, but I was tired, so I relaxed for a bit and went to bed. Literally the minute I got into bed, I was hit with a strong contraction. I figured I would time it on my phone and the next hit 7 minutes later, then another 6 minutes after that. okay so maybe this was it, but 6-7 minutes apart meant it would probably be a while. oh wait, the next one decided to come two minutes after that, then another one two minutes after that one. And these weren't just mild contractions, I'm talking the kind of contractions that made my whole body tense up and made me curl into a ball.

I called Jennie back and she said that because the real contractions had only just started, to try and get some sleep and call her back if I felt like I needed to go in. Then she suggested that I call my mother in law, Karen, and tell her to make her way over, seeing as she was almost two hours away and we needed her to watch Lachie for us.

So I called her, thankfully she was still awake, then she called my friend Stephanie, who had kindly offered to be my doula, and they got on the road.

Poor Anthony had been up for about 30 hours at this point, because of his busy work and school schedule, so I told him to try to take a nap before we had to go in. 

By this time, Lachlan had woken up and was full of energy, and as I scrambled to get the rest of my labour bag together between contractions, he followed me around the apartment, pulling everything out of the bag and laughing at me and copying every time a contraction hit and I squatted to try and handle the pain.

By about 1:45am, Karen and Stephanie had called me what felt like about a thousand times and because my contractions were so close together, they were starting to freak out a little, and said that they would just meet us at the birth centre, rather than coming to our apartment, so I called Jennie and said that it was time to head in and went to wake Anthony. He had been asleep less than an hour and thought i was crazy for going in so early, but got his stuff together anyway.

As I was getting ready to leave, I decided to go to the bathroom and pee and ended up throwing up all over the bathroom and myself. I knew this usually meant that a woman was in transition, but seeing as it had only been about 2 1/2 hours, I figured there was no way I could be that far along. Then I remembered an article I had read about something called the "purple line" which was apparently an alternate, much less invasive way of checking how far dilated a woman was during labour. I went back into the bathroom and checked in the mirror, and sure enough there was a purple line and it was pretty long! 

So after changing into clean pjs and cleaning up myself and the bathroom, we were out the door. let me tell you, a 28 minute drive is NO fun when you are having intense contractions every 2 minutes!

we finally arrived at the birth centre at 2:29 and Jennie was waiting outside for us, with Karen and Stephanie.

Karen had brought some labour snacks and offered me some yogurt, which I promptly turned down, there was no way I could think about food by this stage! Jennie gave me a look like she knew I would be pretty far progressed, so she checked me and I was 7cm dilated! 

She filled the birthing pool, because I was hoping for a water birth, and I got in. Let me tell you, labouring in the water was absolute bliss! I wouldn't say it took away the pain of the contractions, but it definitely eased the back pain that I was experiencing in between the contractions, and it helped me to relax my entire body.

having a doula to talk me through each contraction and to tell Anthony what to do to help me with the pain was absolutely the best help I could have had at that point in time.

The whole atmosphere of the birth centre was so peaceful and relaxing and Jennie even let us facetime my family in Australia when I was in the tub, the cool part was, they were all together (except for my eldest sister, who lives in a different state) for a family dinner at mum and Dad's place, because mum was leaving to come see us for 5 weeks the very next morning. 

facetime with my family

after what felt like hours, Jennie and literally 2 seconds after she checked me, my waters broke! For a second, I thought that she hit me in the crotch, then I realised that the weird popping feeling was my waters breaking. She let me labour for a few minutes longer and checked me again because my body was taking over and starting to push. By this point, I was fully dilated with a slight lip on my cervix, so she suggested I get out of the water and walk around for a minute. As Ant and Stephanie were helping we out of the tub, I had another contraction, so Jennie asked me to lay on my side on the bed so she could check me again. By this point, He was on his way out, I couldn't stop my body from pushing, so she said to go for it, I pushed once and his head came out, then on the second push he was born!

 after the birth, i asked Jennie what time he was born and she said it was 3:34am! I was in complete disbelief, it had felt like I was in that tub for hours, but in reality, we had only been at the birth centre for an hour and I had been in actual labour for just four hours!

Just like Lachlan, I felt no pain during the actual birth, but this time, I got through it without absolutely no tearing whatsoever!

It was so amazing to be able to bring our son into the world in such a beautiful, peaceful atmosphere, and Lachlan was actually able to be in the room as well, so that was pretty special, even if he didn't take any notice of what was going on.

Literally the second they put our beautiful baby boy on my chest, I asked Ant to call my mum on facetime, we had wanted to facetime her during the actual birth, but it all happened so quickly that it just didnt happen, but my parents and siblings were able to meet our little boy at just a few seconds old, so that was super special!

kennen meeting his Aussie family on facetime

We chose to delay cord clamping, so he was put on my chest the moment he was born and was able to breastfeed and snuggle until after all the blood from the placenta had finished pumping through the unbilical cord and the colour difference in his skin was amazing, by the time Anthony cut the cord, he was glowing with this beautiful, healthy, bright pink colour.

Just like we did with Lachlan, we had decided to wait until we held him to choose his name, we had a list of a few names and two possible middle names, but the minute we held him, we knew his name was meant to be Kennen Gregory Mojica. Kennen after my dad and Gregory after Anthony's dad.

Kennen weighed 7lb 1oz and measured 21 inches long (with a measuring tape), although when he was measured on the actual baby measuring device at the pediatrician a few days later, he was only 19 inches long.

Within two hours of his birth, I had showered, eaten breakfast and was asking Jennie if I could go home. We had to fill out some papers, but as soon as that was done and Anthony had a little nap, we were out of there and were home by 8am. It was so nice to be able to recover in the comfort of my own home, rather than in a stark, cold hospital.

The boys napping - having a baby is exhausting!

The irony of the whole situation: Kennen was born just a half a day before my mum got on the plane from Australia to come be here with us, which is exactly what Lachlan did to us just two years earlier! 

Kennen on top and Lachlan on the bottom, both in the same outfit, same age, on the way to pick Nanna up from the airport!

Meeting Mum at the airport

Overall, I would have to say that a birth centre birth compared to a natural hospital birth is like night and day. It was such a warm, loving, peaceful environment and I will definitely be choosing to deliver at a birth centre, with a midwife and a doula for all of our future babies, and hopefully we will be able to have Jennie as our midwife again, because she is absolutely one in a million!

Jennie Joseph, our wonderful midwife!

There are blessings in every situation.

Being that October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, I've decided to share my story. This is kind of difficult for me to write, but I feel like it will also be kind of therapeutic to get it out, so here goes...

WARNING: I go into detail so if you have a weak stomach or are easily upset, please don't read this.

At the start of May this year, we were on our way back from Orlando and I felt this strange pressure on my lower abdomen from the seatbelt. The seatbelt wasn't tight or anything, it was just uncomfortable. I remember thinking that it was strange and that I had only felt anything like it when I was pregnant with Lachlan. I tried to dismiss the thought because I hadn't noticed any other symptoms and I'd had symptoms from really early on with my first pregnancy. But then I remembered that I'd had heartburn a few times in the past week, which I'd only ever had during pregnancy. And of course, I'd been emotional for a couple weeks, but I had chalked that up to the fact that I had recently stopped breastfeeding and had figured my hormones were a little out of whack from my milk drying up.
I bought a couple of tests and took one that night, not really expecting to see two lines. It was eight o'clock at night after all. So I was shocked when I saw two dark lines staring back at me, within seconds of taking the test!
I ran upstairs to tell Anthony and the first thing he said was "why are you crying?" I hadn't even realized I was crying and all I could manage to say was "I don't know"
He just smiled at me and turned to Lachlan and said "you're going to be a big brother, bud!"

The next morning, I woke up and tested again to be sure and again I burst into tears when I saw those two lines, but this time out of sheer joy and excitement, rather than shock. The love I already had for that beautiful baby inside of me was nothing short of amazing.
I called the OBGYN and was told that they won't do a pregnancy intake appointment without proof of pregnancy, so I found a clinic that would do a pregnancy test and made an appointment for that same day. I got my proof of pregnancy and was told to go back the next week for a dating scan, seeing as my dr didn't take appointments until 9 weeks.

We decided that day to tell our parents, which made it seem all the more real. Of course they were as over the moon as we were. Within days, my morning sickness had started and was getting worse by the day, so after much deliberating, we decided to make the announcement that next week, because with as sick as I was, there was no way we could keep it a secret.
Even though my morning sickness was horrible, it wasn't nearly as bad as it was with Lachie and my boobs barely hurt, whereas they were almost too sore to wear a bra with my first pregnancy. I told myself that it was a different pregnancy, so my symptoms were bound to be different, but I couldn't help but worry that something was wrong. I tried my best to stay positive, I pushed any negative thoughts to the back of my mind and focused on the love that was growing inside of me and my excitement to be able to experience again all that indescribable joy that I had experienced when Lachlan was born. I was so excited that Lachlan would have a little brother just a little less than two years younger than him, everything seemed so perfect!

By 8 weeks, I had started to have mild dizzy spells, and at 8 1/2 weeks, on a Monday morning, I woke up so dizzy that I could barely walk. I was scared to lift Lachlan and ended up having the sister missionaries come and sit with me for a few hours, so I wouldn't be home alone in case something happened.
The next day, on June 4th I woke up in a panic from a dream that I had gone to the bathroom and was bleeding heavily. I told myself that it was just a dream, but couldn't shake the feeling that I had had that dream for a reason, that I was being prepared for bad news.
The next night, on June 5th, I went to the bathroom before bed and noticed that I had light brown spotting when I wiped. I tried to tell myself that it was normal, lots of people spotted when they were pregnant, but it didn't calm me down. I ended up calling my mum in tears and I honestly can't even remember the conversation, all I remember is that she made me feel better. My mum has a real knack for that.

Thursday morning (June 6th) I was still spotting so I called the doctor and was told not to worry unless it was bright red and as heavy as a period and was put on bed rest until that coming Monday, which was when my first appointment was scheduled for.
I stayed in bed all day, except for obviously going to the bathroom, and by that night had mild cramping, which honestly scared the crap out of me.

By Friday morning, the cramping and spotting had stopped and I still had morning sickness, although, not as bad as it had been, but I was 9 weeks pregnant by that point and I tried to convince myself that it was tapering off and everything was okay, after all, the bleeding and cramping was gone. I stayed on rest all day, but around 1pm, I needed to go to the bathroom, so I stood up and I felt something come out of me. I turned to Ant and said "honey, we just lost the baby"
Then I felt a huge gush of blood. My whole body went numb and my ears started ringing so loud that I couldn't hear anything else. Anthony helped me to the bathroom where I found myself reliving that nightmare that I had just a few nights before, only this time it wasn't just a bad dream, it was real life. There was blood everywhere and then I saw the thing that I had felt pass just moments earlier. It was a huge clot, the size of the palm of my hand. I had never seen anything like it before and didn't know any better, so I thought it was the amniotic sac with the baby inside (in reality it was just a mother freaking huge clot). I screamed out to Ant and completely lost it. I don't even remember him coming into the room, all I remember is him holding me. Neither of us said a word, we didn't have to, he knew what I needed was to be held, so he held me tighter than I've ever been held before, while I sobbed my heart out.

Then the physical pain started, it was like being in labour, just before you get to the point that you can't talk through the contractions, only the pain was localized to my lower abdomen and lower back, rather than my whole belly and back, I guess because my uterus was still so much smaller and lower.

I called my mum and woke her, I think it was about 3:30 in the morning Australia time, so I felt guilty waking them up, but I just needed my mum so bad and of course, she didn't mind being woken up. I don't even think I could talk at first, I just cried and cried. I felt so helpless.
Mum asked if she could message my friend Karen to come give me a hug on her behalf seeing as she couldn't be there herself, so Karen came as soon as she could and stayed with me most of the afternoon into the evening.

My OBGYN had closed by the time I tried calling them and I didn't have their emergency number, so I called a friend who works for another OBGYN and I practically begged her to tell me that I didn't have to go to the hospital. She ended up telling me that I technically should, but if I really don't want to, then to keep my eye out for certain symptoms (like a fever, nausea, vomiting, severe pain, etc) and if I had any of those, to go straight to the ER.
The pain just kept getting worse and I kept passing huge clots, so I had started to figure out that what I had passed earlier was just a huge freaking clot and not the baby.
At around 10pm, the cramps were almost unbearable and I felt like I needed to poo. I went to the bathroom and tried, but couldn't. A few minutes later, I got another really bad cramp (I guess technically they were contractions), I went back to the bathroom and just sat on the toilet for a few minutes, then I felt something pass that felt much bigger than any of the other clots. I looked into the toilet and saw the whole amniotic sac, in tact with my perfect baby inside.
I honestly can't even describe the pain I felt at that moment. My heart had just been ripped out of my chest, I felt destroyed. I felt as though all the love, all the excitement, all the hopes and dreams we had for that baby were gone. It was so final and I didn't know why.

But then I realized something. God can use even the worst situations for good. Even though I may never know the temporal reason for losing my baby, I knew that my Heavenly Father would bring some good out of this. I knew that through this experience, I would be able to help somebody through a similar situation. Even though I was hurting worse than I thought possible, I could see the blessings that would come from my pain.
The following days were the worst of my life. Everyone knew I had been pregnant, so those that didn't know what happened were asking how the baby was and I had to try to find the words to explain what had happened. Thankfully, I had Anthony by my side to explain to people when I couldn't talk through my tears and to catch me when I felt myself crumbling into a heap.

And then it started, although meaning well, people just kept saying all the wrong things.
If you are reading this, I beg of you, if you ever know anyone who has a miscarriage, no matter the circumstance, please just love them, hug them, give them your condolences and most importantly, pray for them.
Don't even think about saying anything that begins with the words "at least..."
"At least you weren't further along"
"At least it wasn't your first pregnancy"
"At least you didn't have to have a D & C"
"At least you know you can get pregnant" (yes someone actually said this to me!!)
Don't compare their situation to someone else's.
Don't tell them it could have been worse.
It doesn't matter how far along a woman is in her pregnancy. It doesn't matter if it was her first pregnancy or her twenty first. It doesn't matter if someone else's story seems worse to you. What matters is that she is  going through one of the most heartbreaking times of her life. She is grieving. She feels broken. She needs love. She needs support.
And please please don't bring up trying again. I can't even tell you the amount of people who told me that I was young enough to try again. I just had I miscarriage, the last thing I wanted to think about was getting pregnant again.
And please don't assume that just because you see her smiling a couple weeks later that she is ok, chances are, she is feeling just as broken as she was before, she has just gotten better at hiding it and putting on a brave face.

Just over a month after this all happened, on July 10th, we were getting ready to move house and my cycle hadn't returned to normal so I decided to take a pregnancy test. I was terrified. I wanted so badly to be pregnant, but at the same time, I didn't. I didn't want another pregnancy, I just wanted to still be pregnant from before. I didn't want to see two lines on the test, because the thought of going through this all over again scared the life out of me, but I also didn't want to see just one line, because that would mean that these past five weeks really happened and I really wasn't pregnant anymore.
I held my breath and took another test. This time, I couldn't sit there and watch for the lines to appear, I placed it on the counter and cried with my head in my hands, not knowing what the test was reading. After about 5 minutes, I brought myself to look at it. There was only one line. Negative. My heart broke all over again.

Over the next few days, I felt like I was grieving all over again, but this time, I felt like I had to hide it. Everyone that was close to me was acting like it never happened, so I felt like I had to too. On the night of July 13th, I had this niggling feeling that I should test again, if we weren't moving in just two days, I would have ignored this feeling, but I had to be 100% sure so that I didn't lift anything too heavy or strain in a way that could cause problems. I woke up at about 5 o'clock the next morning and took a test. There were two lines within seconds!  The spectrum of emotions I felt were just baffling to me. I was happy that I was carrying yet another beautiful baby, I was sad for the loss of my last pregnancy, I was terrified of what might happen, I was immediately in love with the baby and I felt like I had to protect him/her no matter what, but most of all, I felt helpless. Like no matter what, I couldn't control what would happen, I could be healthy for myself and the baby, I could wrap myself in cotton wool until March, but if anything was going to happen, I couldn't stop it. It all amounted to a surreal feeling of numbness.

A lot of people seem to assume that because I'm pregnant again, I have somehow replaced the baby I lost, or that I am okay now. Oh how wrong they are. Another pregnancy doesn't magically heal the pain of a miscarriage.
These past few months have been beyond stressful. I catch myself constantly going to the bathroom to check for blood. I have spotted multiple times. I freak out at every little ache and pain and I read into every symptom more than I should. At my 14 week appointment, it took well over 10 minutes for the midwife to find the heartbeat with the doppler because the baby was moving around so much and I ended up in tears by the time she found it.
I have felt the baby move, but there are still times where I will go long periods of time where I can't feel anything, because baby is still so small and those times freak me out so much more than they should. I am so thankful to have my faith and testimony of the gospel, because without it, I know I would have lost the plot. I would be a total basket case.

Thankfully, I have been blessed with the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I am blessed to have a husband who holds the priesthood and was able to give me a blessing for comfort and to help me on my path to healing. I am not going to lie, I still hurt, I still cry, but I take comfort in my Heavenly Father's plan of happiness. It is a wonderful thing to know that families are forever, that our children are sealed to us for all of eternity. I am so thankful to know that I WILL hold that baby in my arms one day, my baby will join our family, whether it be in this earthly life at a later date, or in the eternities. My baby was not taken from me, it just wasn't the right time. Even though I hurt from losing a pregnancy and losing the time I thought I had with my baby, I now know that I haven't actually lost my baby, God's plan for his or her life is just not what we all thought it would be, or at least, not in the timing we thought it would be.

Our munchkin and how he got here...

I went in for my 39 week check up Tuesday February 21st, and after I did the usual routine of peeing in a cup, blood pressure, getting weighed, I went into the exam room and got changed into the super attractive gown, only to have the dr come in, retest my BP and tell me that it was high, so she sent me to l&d to be monitored. The Dr. said that if it didn't go back down, then I would have to be induced that afternoon, which happened to be my niece's 10th birthday!

We got to the hospital at around 4:30 and they hooked me up to a fetal monitor and Bp machine. After 2 hours my Bp was normal (thank goodness! I did NOT want to be induced!) but I was having contractions 2-3 minutes apart.  I could barely feel them (I thought I was just crampy from having a pelvic exam earlier in the day) My cervix was still very high and the baby was so low that they couldn't even find my cervix so they said it would be about 3 days and to go home. They put me on bed rest and said to come in if the contractions got so bad I couldn't talk through them.

By the time we got in the car, they had started to get stronger but I convinced myself that it was my imagination because I was aware of them now. Nope, they kept getting stronger. By 8:30pm they were 1.5min apart and lasting a full minute, I could talk through them but was so distracted by the pain that my sentences weren't coming out properly. Well that's what I thought, everyone else said I couldn't talk through them. Everyone was telling me to go back in but I refused until my mum finally convinced me to at 10:30.

My mother-in-law called the hospital and they told her to bring me back in, so I had Anthony give me a blessing, we grabbed my hospital bags and the rubbish bin from the bathroom (I was sure I was going to vomit from the pain!) and we headed in.

My cervix was still very high but had dropped just enough to tell  that I was dilated to 2cm. After 2 hours, there was barely any change in my cervix but because the contractions were so strong and close they gave me a shot to help me sleep. It didn't help with the pain but I was sleeping through the 90second break between contractions. Each time the nurse checked me, she pulled my cervix down to try and get it moving for me.

By 5am I was still only 3cm but the contractions increased to 30 seconds apart so she checked again at 5:30 and I was 6cm! 

6:30 I was an 8 so she called the midwife. My waters still hadn't broken by 7 and I was at 9cm so she broke them for me. Within about a minute, I had the overwhelming urge to push, but the midwife and nurses were nowhere to be seen! I remember saying "I gotta push, I really gotta push!" and Karen disappeared. She came back a minute later and said "she (the midwife) said to push" uhh ok. i was sitting up on the bed, where did she think the baby was going to go??!

Another minute passed before the midwife came back into the room and she realised that I really was ready to push! they adjusted the bed, she and Ant lifted my legs and she told me to push as soon as I felt a contraction start. the first contraction came, I pushed and the midwife said, with more excitement than I expected, "you're doing really well, I can already see the head!"

Next Contraction came and she said she could see him trying to cry! I looked at Ant and he had a look on his face that I will never forget, he looked up and said "you're doing great!" I thought they were just being encouraging, while I sat there and wondered when the pain was going to start.

Contraction number three, I pushed and he came right out! much to the amazement of everyone in the room, including myself! I didn't experience any pain during the delivery!

I couldnt believe that I only pushed 3 times! Our perfect boy was born at 7:37am!

Even though the labour was so bad (I had back contractions which don't mix well with a spinal injury) I pushed through, with the help and encouragement of my amazing hubby and mother in law. The actual birth was a piece of cake! It didn't hurt one bit and I loved that I could him come out! The look on Anthony's face as he watched and encouraged me through the birth was incredible. 

6lbs 15oz and 19.5 inches long!

We had gone in there, with a list of 3 names: Spencer, Marshall or Gage and a set middle name: Alexander. we didn't want to name him until we saw him. Well, when I held him, I just wasn't feeling any of the names, in fact, the name that came to mind when I looked into his perfect face was one that Ant had mentioned in passing just a few days before: Lachlan. I told Ant, he smiled and agreed. so that was that, he had a name: Lachlan Alexander Mojica! 

I ended up with what they thought was 2 minor tears, which they stitched up, only to discover a more serious tear behind one they had stitched, so they had to cut me open and re stitch, which was worse than the birth! They had to check me hourly for the most part of the day and 2 hourly after that, even through the night. i wasn't allowed to get up even to pee for hours, to make sure I wouldn't need to go to the OR but luckily I only ended up with a smallish hematoma, the Dr was sure the outcome would be much worse! They told me the next morning that they wanted me to stay in at least another night and I started crying because my mum was arriving early in the morning the next day, so they said that if I strictly follow the care routine, could go home as soon as Lachlan was cleared, which was that afternoon! 

Lachie's first time in the car!

All in all, it was an amazing experience, I would do it natural all over again! Our boy is perfect and we are so madly in love with him!

I'm back!

Well, it's been about a million years since I last posted! I guess life just got busy with a NEW BABY and all!!! It's crazy how different life seems with this little munchkin! 

Lachlan Alexander Mojica was born on February 22nd, and we have been consumed by love, cuteness and and poopie diapers ever since! 

Who are the Mojos?

Every blog needs an introductory post, and seeing as my first post was more of a whinge about not being able to sleep, I figured I should make another post. oh and I didn't end up falling asleep until after 8am, only to be woken up at 8:30 by Rumble, who wanted to go play with Kasey.

I'm going to TRY and condense the story of how we got where we are today as much as possible, but I cant promise you that this wont be a long post. I'll post pictures to make it less boring.

First let me introduce myself:

I am Mrs. Mojo AKA Meghan/Megs/Megzy, whatever you prefer to call me.
I was born in Australia, in a town called Geelong, just near Melbourne, but spent most of my life in Melbs.
I moved to the USA last October, about 3 weeks before I married the love of my life. we lived in Florida for about 2 months, then moved to Nashville, Tennessee for a year, because Ant had found a school there that he was going to go to (he didn't in the end) and so he could return to the job he had over the summer while we were engaged, for a pest control company. actually, the day we moved back here to FL, we realised that it was exactly a year to the day since we moved there. weird, huh?
The past 6 years or so I have been blonde for the most part like in the above picture, but about a month ago, I decided to go for a change, so now I look more like this:

This good lookin' man is my wonderful husband, Anthony, AKA Mr. Mojo. (how on earth did I get so darn lucky??!)

Don't let that clean cut look fool you though, he did spend a good chunk of the year looking a LOT hairier, like this:

(let's hope he doesn't see that I posted this photo haha)
You might have already guessed, being that we live here, that Anthony is American, or a septic tank, as my Mum would say. He is originally from NY, moved to NJ when he was young, then to FL just after High school.
The first thing that most people get to know about Ant is that he likes video games. A lot. A real lot. In fact, he is a gaming genius (compared to me at least). He can start playing any game, regardless of the console or computer it's on, and within a few minutes, he is kicking butt. He's been accused in shooter games of modding his controllers, which, if you know Ant, he hasn't, he likes to keep all his eletronics and games in absolutely perfect condition. I like to tease him that I'm going to scratch them, just to get a reaction.
Anyway, I am super proud of him, because starting in 2012, he will be working hard towards his dream of actually making games. He has been accepted into Full Sail University to study Game Development. hence the move back to Florida.

So you might be wondering how we met, considering we grew up on opposite sides of the world? well this is how:

A few years ago, Ant left his life in Florida to serve a full time mission for our church. He was called to serve in... you guessed it... Melbourne, Australia!
I was just investigating the church when we met, and was baptized not too long after, on July 12 2008.
We didn't date as soon as we met, for a few reasons: Anthony was still a missionary (missionaries absolutely can't date!) and I thought he was a total dork (see above photo) but by the time he returned to his normal life in Florida, we realised we couldn't live without each other. I visited him a couple times over the next year and a bit, and we did the (very) long distance thing in between. Then in March 2010, Ant decided it was time to make our relationship permanent and asked me to marry him!

Because our families are on opposite sides of the world, we got to have TWO weddings! the first was in Australia on October 16th 2010 at a beautiful old homestead just outside Geelong.

the second, and legal wedding was just 3 weeks later on November 5th 2010 in the Orlando, Florida temple, where we were blessed to be able to get married, not only for this life, but for all eternity too.

You might have guessed that our church is very important to us, considering He dedicated 2 whole years solely to sharing the gospel. It's not just some story that we believe and a place to go on Sundays. It's our life. we believe with everything that is in us that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church of Jesus Christ on the earth today. I'm not trying to get all preachy in my blog post, but to truly know us, you need to know that we believe in the Lord with all our hearts and minds. I personally have a very strong testimony of the gospel. I know the church is true, I know the bible and the book of Mormon are the truth and I know that my Heavenly Father loves me.

So now you know how we met and got married, you know why we moved to Tennessee and why we moved back here to Sunny Florida. What about the year in between?

Well it's been a crazy year, we made new friends, Ant met back up with some old ones. He worked at Applebees and Walgreens while he waited for his pest control job to start back up.
This is him in his technician uniform

Ant started to get sick in about March, it was really bad for a couple months, and after a bunch of doctors visits and tests, all we have is a couple of theories, no diagnosis.
He turned 24 in May and because it was the first time we had been in the same country for his birthday, I decided to throw him a surprise party! I thought for sure that he had figured it out, but he was genuinely surprised! I wish I had a picture of his face, but I don't, so instead, here's the awesome rubik's cube cake I made him.

as you can tell, I'm no professional, but i think i did a fairly good job considering it was my first time decorating a cake. And it was super yummy, so that's a bonus!

Then in June, it was my turn to turn 24. I had wanted a puppy since we moved to Nashville, but Ant kept saying no, so i was super surprised when, for my birthday, he said we could go look at puppies! We met quite a few cute little pups, but it wasn't until we stopped at this one place and we saw this little guy that fell in love!

I mean, how could you not fall in love with that face? He is a Shar Pei/Pitt Bull mix and he is just the sweetest little fur baby in the world.
It didn't take us long to come up with the perfect name: RUMBLE! (stolen from one of Ant's favourite video games, surprise surprise!)
he looks more like this now though:

We were so happy with our little family, but of course, it's when you least expect it that Heavenly Father decides to surprise you! only 5 days after bringing Rumble into our family, we found out this little munchkin (AKA baby mojo) was growing inside me!!

Now that Ant was finally starting to feel a little better, I started to get sick. really really sick. but its ok, because I get to show off this awesome baby bump!

here is a more recent picture

turns out baby mojo is a little camera shy and wouldn't show us his/her face in the ultrasound, so if you cant make it out, that is his/her hand holding his/her little foot! cute, huh?!
(in case you're wondering, we're keeping the gender a secret!)

A couple months into the pregnancy, we realised just how much we needed to be near family and Ant decided on the school in Orlando, and that brings us to where we are today.

Of course, a lot more happened than that, but I just realised how long this post is, so I'll save the little stories for future posts (if i remember, my preggo brain forgets everything these days!)

so now I'm going to vacuum and fold that laundry that I said I was going to do in my last post.. oops!